Fairytales are Fair Game
It was midday and the sun was hot and high overhead in the Egyptian desert. The wind had been picking up and there were warnings for flash sandstorms later in the day. The two women in their Range Rover had yet to hit any on their trip. Ellie had decided to take Jen off road – the two surging through the sands, saving hours on their trip into Siwa as dust kicked behind the whirling tires of the rented 4x4.
It was a dangerous yet so far successful idea.
On the horizon Jen could see an ocean of reflecting blue glinting light on the yellow, gray sand – it looked like an endless pool puddle that she could just dive into at any time. It was amazing to her – so this was what a mirage looked like; she had seen them of course on the blacktop of Brooklyn growing up but here it felt somehow “magical”. Letting her mind drift, she twirled her brunette hair and smiled – the simplest things of Egypt bringing her wonder; thinking of how the light itself bent and reflected an epiphany struck her – suddenly she was aware how a heated exhausted traveler could imagine they had found a desert oasis if they saw this type of reflected light caught between some trees and shrubs. She wanted to say something to Ellie about this, but she bit her tongue not wanting to upset her partner.
Jen had already made the mistake of bringing up the idea of faith, as she had started practicing daily morning affirmations and visualization practices proposing the idea of Ellie joining her. Ellie scuffed at it – hating the thought. The two sat in silence for the last half-hour since that last little tiff. Jen tried again, speaking as soft as she should, just loud enough to be heard over the engine of the Range Rover.
“Ellie. I’m sorry.” Not fully understanding why she was apologizing for but continued. “I just wish you could believe like I believe. You see, there’s always something fantastic on the horizon. Even if you don’t know exactly what it is – you just have to believe.” Jen was younger by 6 years and had never been to Egypt before; this trip was all in celebration of Ellie finishing her PhD at Columbia in Substantial Environmental Development and Jen’s ticket and accommodations had all been taken care of by the older woman. Ellie had already visited Egypt and the small settlement of Siwa 3 years back on an externship for her program and was far more comfortable with the area Jen. She didn’t need faith.
“Come off it, Jen. Sometimes I don’t know why I decided to date a sappy fool like you.” Ellie could only roll her eyes, still dealing with Jen’s naggings about destiny and that stupid shit, hoping the silence would have whisked everything away. Snapping again, “Fantastic? How about horrible? Either way, who the piss cares. Destiny, Fate, Religion – I don’t care for any of that. You know that.” She felt her throat getting dry, as she was trying hard to focus on driving according to the GPS console between the two. The older woman shrugged and shook her head, forcing the Land Rover forward through the uneven sands, rocking the pair as Jen gripped her seatbelt tightly. Watching Ellie hold the clutch of the car firmly in one hand with the driver’s wheel gripped white-tight in her other, the car see-sawed through the dunes, blasting sand and sputtering angrily.
If it died out here, so would they.
But they were making great time Ellie thought. Although, it had been years since she had done this trip with her professor, and she was sweating through her clothes knowing the danger of this idea if it went wrong – failing to mention any of it to Jen. This was the first time she was the one at the wheel leading the “expedition”; although, she didn’t feel it necessary to let Jen know that either. She learned well enough over the years that the younger girl was prone to fits of panic – her anxiety a turn off for her but she was kind and beautiful. Ellie’s mind drifted back to the moment the two first met. Ellie having just arrived on a student visa in Manhattan bumping into Ellie at a bar uptown. The younger girl hanging onto her every word as she told her about her travels and home in Britain, the pair hitting it off while sampling a flight of craft beers together. She appreciated how there was never any games with Jen, she was simple – finishing her undergrad in… in Ellie couldn’t remember what her degree was. But things were so easy back then for both.
Anyway, there was no need to trouble her with anything that would make her worry. It would all be fine. They were close to their destination now; Ellie had cut down their five-hour trip to only two by taking this off-road excursion. Still, she thought: we’re running late – I need to make my meeting.
Ellie went on, trying to put this subject to rest: “You just have to go forward in life. There doesn’t have to be anything special on the horizon... or at the end. Fairytales aren’t fair game in this world. Love, please tell me you know that. None of this hokey shit you’re on is real. It’s all just a scam to make you feel better. Or feel like you have control in life.” There was genuine frustration in her voice, her full Yorkshire accent coming through. Ellie was smart enough to know that this was just the tail end of a much bigger fight looming – she hated when Jen had her own thoughts, as if such a young naïve girl could be entitled to her own opinions about the world. She’ll learn in a few years – faith and destiny are all a crock of shit and lies.
These fights had been happening more and more lately, long prior to this Egyptian vacation. Ellie feared “the rot” had started to set into their relationship. Things were no longer just simple between the two, she shook her head returning to the conversation. “Life is a constant adventure full of its own magic – you don’t need faith or destiny in it, those aren’t real, dear. We make our own fates. I mean look at what we’re doing right now – taking the desert by storm before the storms come on in.”
Maybe Jen also knew that something wasn’t right between the two, as she would not come off it as Ellie so kindly put, clutching her backpack to her stomach, speaking defiantly: “Ellie, I’m not saying you don’t keep pushing forward in life or make your own path. But what does it mean if you don’t believe in something bigger at the end of it all? You have to have faith that there’s something greater out there, especially at the end. If you don’t have faith, then it all just falls apart.” Jen turned to look at her partner, all she could see was blonde hair and sunglasses focused on the road in front of her. A pit was forming in her stomach, and she felt herself losing her voice.
She wanted Ellie to say the “right thing” to her – whatever that was, as she shifted in her seat waiting for a response.
Ellie said nothing.
But the older woman could see it now; the town was quickly coming into view. She veered the Land Rover onto an actual road that would lead into town, the rover made a mirthfully little bump – happy to come ashore from the sea of sand and hoist itself onto solid land. Ellie sighed, knowing they were finally safe. Jen ’s eyes beamed – forgetting the fight and the pit in her stomach if only for a moment – recognizing they were here.
As the two pulled into the oasis town of Siwa they could see the run down and mostly abandoned ruins on the outset of the city. It gave the tourist site an ancient, almost mystic feel – as Jen’s imagination ran wild. The whole entire trip should have been fantastical to Jen: a young woman, just a child really in her early twenties, who never ventured far outside of Brooklyn. She worked as a bartender, graduating a few years back from a community college with a degree that Ellie always forgot. She was still trying to figure things out but her belief in “something more to this world” could not be shaken. She had faith everything would work out. She believed in something greater in this world. To her, even the weird looking 6 prong electrical sockets in their hotel room, or how they threw on soft sheer linen white desert robes over their western clothes to avoid sun exposure and heat exhaustion were magic to her.
For a moment, she felt like she felt like she was in an Indiana Jones’ movie, and she wanted to burst out and tell this fantastic new moment to Ellie. But the pit in her stomach gnawed away once more, and reality pressed back into her. Why did I agree to this trip? Jen blushed at the thought. It was the first time she said that to herself, she clutched her backpack into to her stomach again, this time in shame, thinking herself a bad partner for this pang of doubt about Ellie.
Ellie broke the silence, needing to have the last word. “Oh, Jen, Love…. I believe in one thing in this world: and that’s myself.” She licked her lips, as she felt like the car was now gliding on a cloud – proud she was able to navigate them through the desert; she would tell Jen when they got back to the New York just how dangerous this part of the trip was, smirking to herself. She continued wanting to finish her lecture to her partner, “But thinking there’s some kind of greater meaning to life and having faith that everything will work out. No, love, I’ll never believe that.” She paused, chancing a look at Jen, she could see her staring down at the window, clutching her backpack tight to her chest. God, she’s cute. Poor thing is probably wonderstruck. “Now get these big, ugly thoughts, out of your pretty little head.” That last line was supposed to cut but she wasn’t exactly sure why she wanted it to. Why did I bring her out here with me? We should have talked about our future together before the trip.
She wondered how much Jen could feel of what was really happening between them, but she dared not open that box here and now. Ellie knew what was actually on the horizon for the pair. They had been together for a little over a year, and things were changing now that Ellie had finally graduated with her PhD. She needed to find a job – preferable somewhere overseas. Her student Visa would soon be expiring soon, and she was dreading the thought of leaving Manhattan to possibly return to her posh, conservative, stiff-upper lip family in Aldeburgh. She was not a fan of them – even if her family was kind enough to finance this post-graduation trip for the pair. She had led to believe that Jen’s name was “Jim” and that they should be expecting to meet “him” soon in the future – Ellie knew that couldn’t happen.
The Land Rover’s engine cut out as they parked in a side-street gated garage, the pair paying up at the front desk. Ellie did all the talking, handled all the money, while Jen said and did nothing – taking in the sounds of the older woman’s fluent Arabic. She knew Ellie had come out here before to do work alongside the local government as part of her PhD program and she trusted her completely, put all her faith in her, believing that she knew the lay of the land as if all of Egypt was the blonde Brit’s backyard.
As they emerged from the lot, Ellie guided her young Brooklynite down some back streets. They said little to each other, but Jen reached for Ellie’s hand. The Brit knowing that gay couples were not exactly smiled upon here gave it a soft, strong squeeze before letting it go and moving forward. Their simple white robes dragging along the patter of dirt trodden roads. When they final arrived at the main strip, Jen stopped dead in her tracks and her eyes lit up once more. Like a child she pointed, “Jesus Ellie! You weren’t lying this is amazing.” And again, Jen was swept away, this time along with the wind, her eyes taking in the sea of sensation before her as a coolish-warm breeze flared, kicking at both their robes – their Western outfits underneath coming into view if only for a second. Jen’s mouth hung slightly agape just for a moment, not just thinking she was in an Indiana Jones movie but starting to believe it.
She was staring in wonder at a traditional weekend Egyptian bazaar.
Ellie settled in like a parent looking at their child, unsure if this was something she done for Jen, or more for herself. Her ego pleased, as her partner’s cherub faced beamed the way it did, and for moment she remembered why she had loved her. Had. Thoughts from the car ride unable to leave her head. I should have never taken her on this trip with me. I absolutely can’t tell her now. When we get back, we’ll have the talk. Did I ever really love her? God, I just want the meeting to go well today.
She shook her head and smiled through her teeth, “Well come along! We’ll be late, love!” She motioned for Jen to come with her.
“Late for what? I thought you said today was an adventure. Nothing but us figuring out what’s ahead?” Jen’s wonder was snapped once again, genuinely confused.
“Oh, it is – it is, Love. And we will! But I have an obligation. A contact reached out to me this morning, all out of the blue. See, apparently, he heard through the grapevine that I was visiting and wants to catch up. I could have sworn I told you, didn’t I? I just need to pop by the municipal district… It’ll be a jiff – we’ll just do a “Hi and Bye”, and then we can explore the city before sun-down. You’ll love Siwa – we can do a full tour of the ruins on the outskirt of town, and I’ll show you the oasis springs after! I promise you’ll have never seen anything like it…” Ellie felt no guilt for any of these lies, doing her best to sell Jen on this new course of action. The younger woman looking at her with a mixture of confusion and disappointment.
“I promise, Jen. You won’t be able to believe it.” She gave a final reassurance, and warm-knowing smile – the type you wear when you’re trying to convince yourself your happy just as much as the person across from you. Ellie buried her shame well. She doesn’t have to know this is actually a working vacation. This will all be fun for her anyway. I’m giving her an experience she would have never had without me. It’s just easier if I didn’t tell her about this.
As they began to enter the market and walk down the main strip they were greeted with a chorus of wind-instruments, the foreign chatter of differing tongues, and the constant pace of people filling the dirt streets. Ellie had warned Jen to watch for lecherous men, and thieving children – they traveled light with only simple small unbranded packs, making themselves less tempting targets. Ellie failed to mention any of the real danger Swia could have – it had only recently begun to be developed into a more tourist friendly area. The Brits eyes sweeping through the crowd looking for an angle to lead the pair towards the heart of town. Jen has me to protect her after all. I’m better than any guide we could hire. My tongue is sharp enough to get us around – even if we move away from the tourist spots. Besides, that’s the real adventure – people being people in the heart of a foreign world.
She’ll be grateful for this trip; I know she will. She doesn’t need to know every detail; good adventures have mysteries in them.
Ellie saw her angle, and the two snaked their way down towards the main strip. The bazaar, for all its part in this adventure, didn’t let Jen down – it was an absolute extravaganza – the young American’s heart pounded in her chest as she saw a world she never thought existed: a plethora of hagglers and barterers at numerous tents and stalls that were all haphazardly lined next to one another in a staccato yet perfectly puzzle-like order. The bazaar seemed to stretch on forever – the entire distance lined with countless baskets of brightly colored fruits and open clay jars of vividly shaded spices, all catching the desert light perfectly as if they were painted into reality. Massive clay jugs of what Jen thought to be wine, liquor, and various brews lined the streets, too. Cheap textiles of suspect design, and beautifully woven rugs and garments of true quality hung in too many shops to count. There was jewelry of gold and silver, copper and brass but of none of these could compare to the trinkets, baubles and oddities that seemed to capture Jen’s mental grasp – the young women eagerly wanting to stop at one of these shops to buy some sort of gewgaw.
As Ellie guided the pair, she couldn’t help but quip, “It’s all so damn cheap for us Westerners. We’ll shop the whole place latter – get some souvenirs for Mum, and Daddy, yea?” A smugness on her face, as kept leading Jen forward through the market. Not stopping for second as if she had been here countless times before.
Jen was still silent, still drinking in the full spectacle, wanting to stop at stall after stall. There were yells, and hollers from the denizens of the market, as the younger woman’s eyes could only keep peeling through the crowd. She could see children darting in between the crowd as men would smack their heads if they came too close to their bodies or possessions. She felt a graze against her back, and she spun around, it was a young boy in what she thought was thread-bare clothing. She looked down at him, and him up at her. Their eyes met, and in a flash, he was gone.
“Watch for pick-pockets, dear. Now. This way, don’t tarry.” Ellie further instructed, grabbing Jen by the hand now, and pulling her through the crowd, it was a strong, harsh tugging grip. Picking up the pace – leading instead of guiding now.
Jen’s eyes desperately tried to catch all the images of the tents and stalls that she so badly wanted to visit as she was physically hurried forward. Her eyes unable to keep up with Ellie’s increasingly surging gait. She looked down towards her feet, trying not to stumble on her robe. For a second, as she looked up from her nearly crisscrossed leg and she thought she saw an angry mother leading her child through the marketplace – but it was only a tented stall selling mirrors and chimes, catching a glimpse of the couple’s own reflection.
Jen felt that pit in her stomach again.
Ellie marched the pair straight through the bazaar, arriving at their destination.
They stood before a beautiful, ornate, flowing fountain – it was chiseled with various Arabic runes and designs. It was a mighty thing that took up the small center of this area of town. Curiously, it was quiet here – there was barely any foot traffic around these parts and no shops whatsoever. The fountain appeared to be in front of some sort of modern looking government building. Close by they could see three men under an adjacent clay awning of another building. Two were dressed in what appeared to be army or police uniforms, and one was dressed in a suit. The trio stood gathered chatting.
“Right on time.” Ellie looked at her phone, casually pulling it from beneath her robes.
“What, Ellie?” Jen looked at her partner quizzically, panting. She was out of wind from the steady march to town.
“Nothing, Love. Stay here. I will only be a minute. Promise. Whatever you do. Don’t move a cent.” Ellie spoke firmly. God knows they really don’t need to see you.
And with that Jen watched as Ellie walked away from her, moving towards the group of men. Signaling them with a hearty wave. Catching the attention of the man in the suit, he seemed to know her or recognize her as he waved feverishly in return and offered a big dumb, happy smile. The type of face you reserve for someone you have not seen in sometime but know fondly. Jen and the suited man clasped hands and he introduced her to the two other men in uniform. They all began to talk with fevered gusto in English.
Jen stood and waited.
And waited.
And waited.
5 minutes to 10, 10 to 20, 20 to 30.
She looked down at her phone, she was told not to brandish it in public, but it had been a half-hour of nothing. “Conserve battery, Love.” This was instructed at the very start of trip, hearing Ellie’s voice in her head. Maybe it was the heat, but it sounded so much more condescending now. Jen huffed, staring daggers towards Ellie and the group of men, the conversation seemed nowhere close to ending, she looked back down at her smartphone once more. They had to swap out their SIM cards for service out here – internet was a luxury and there was just one faint bar. “I wonder if mom texted me.”, she frowned, speaking to herself. Unsure if she was getting service.
Home felt so very far away; the sun was dropping as time seemed to stand still. The day was moving too fast and yet not at all, as time, nearly frozen, kept creeping on coldly with a dull drawl. She could hear Ellie chatting afar while the fountain’s water babbled, making out just enough of her conversation. Bits and pieces, flowed from her mouth just barely in earshot: “Modulate... water run-off...”, “Fortify...southern ravine...”, “Petition... government funds…”, “Previous data... 38 percent…” “My last experience with Siwa...”, “I would love this new position...”
Jen rolled her eyes. She could have just told me, been honest… about whatever that is.
Jen shuffled her feet under her white robe and looked towards the sky, now starting to pace back and forth. Growing hotter, increasingly bored, and more offended as even more time passed. Finally, there was a harsh, massive, warm western breeze. It swept through the bazaar and up towards the fountain. Jen adverted her eyes, as the gust felt incredibly strong, as if it could pick a small child off his feet and into the air. Fleeing for cover around the circle of the fountain, turning away from the wind, Jen ducked as the gust slowly died down. She could still see Ellie on the other side still chatting away under the clay awning, her love having no concern or notice for her or the wind. She blinked, looking away…
There was a tent now before her. A good 20 or so feet away from her.
“Did I miss that while I was on the other side of the fountain?” She blinked, having no recollection of it, talking out loud to herself again desperate to kill the boredom.
It was a small, shrouded stall that seemed to sparkle and glint with gold-flakes around it – she could make out human sized Idols and statues within it. Looking closer, she could see a fat, robed figure in there too. Moving, he glowed purple within the shade of the tent – “The shopkeeper?” Jen approached the being with curious eyes and entered beneath the tent’s white curtains. The purple man waved at her, biding her welcome as he levitated above the ground. A massive Glasgow grin on his chubby, fat face.
And just as she did that, Ellie’s conversation began to die down with her potential new co-workers. Her and the man in the suit shook hands and thanked one another for their time. Ellie turned to walk back towards the fountain where she left her love.
Except she was now gone.
Her back had been turned on her, and she hadn’t a clue where she went. Her heart started to quicken, just a bit. Surely, the men would have said something if they saw a woman get taken away…
She moved a couple more feet away from the group, wanting to make sure they were completely gone before finally turning to search for her partner. Her heart pounding faster, calling out: “...Jennifer...” She scanned the area – there was nothing. No one. Her heart hammered in her chest. Her voice trembling in a shout:
“JEN. JEN! JEN?!”
Again. Nothing.
She looked at her phone. One bar. No service for a call or text.
She was twisting her neck back and forth in all directions.
Whipping it wildly. Her heart racing. Thundering.
“JEN. JEN!... JENNIFER?!”
Back. And fourth.
Her arms outstretched, she scanned the fountain, it was quieter here. It should be safe. These were government buildings. She had been with officials. Nothing could have happened to her.
“JENNIFER WHERE ARE YOU?” she cried.
Panic set in. Her stomach a pit.
She saw the tent, it was real, her only logical lead… she marched forward yelling once more.
“JEN!? ARE YOU IN THERE?”
Finally, her love emerged with that shining widened cherub smile on her face.
Ellie grabbed her by the hand, preparing to scold her, part of her wanting to hit her. “What did you do?! I told you not to leave!” She was furious, Jen could only blink at her confused.
“Oh, but the man – the purple man, Ellie! He sold me something!”
“Sold you something? Purple man? … He spoke English?”
“Oh, I don’t know what he spoke, but it sounded familiar. He gave me this lucky water!” She held out a vial to her love. A simple glass vessel with a cork top laced with brown, crummy, time-worn string.
“…. What? Jennifer… that doesn’t exist…” She was scowling, furiously looking at a pendant filled with common tap water. That would not be safe to imbibe she thought. It was bottled water only out here; the vial might well have been poison.
Jennifer was so proud. “He told me that after I left his tent, all I would have to do is uncork the top, and let it pour. And make my wish!”
“Come off it, Jen. Are you having a giggle? None of that is real. You can’t possible believe that, you pisser.”
Jennifer uncorked the vial and let the water pour… seconds going by, as Ellie watched the brazen act.
“But I just made my wish…”
Ellie paused… trying to find her voice.
“I wished that you wouldn’t tell lies to me anymore.”
“.....” Now Ellie was unable to think.
Silence.
Here only the west wind blew. Harsh and warm. Kicking up dust between the two. The tent seemed to vanish in the sand. The bazaar and all its wonders seemingly a far, far, away fairyland.
“…Can you tell me if it will come true…?”
Ellie found she could not move her mouth.
Turned to stone, no words could come out.